Student Perfectionism and Parents

“Student Perfectionism and Parents” Recent studies have found that the anxiety levels of high school students is at an all time high, and nearly half of them feel overwhelmed by the amount of school work. Many parents who talk to their children express their desire for their children to be happy. They also tend to say that the student puts too much pressure on themselves. While this may be true in some cases, new studies have shown that many students feel pressured by others. The biggest surge in unhealthy perfectionism was seen in students who felt pressured by others including parents and teachers.

This unhealthy perfectionism is defined as a mix of excessively high personal standards, such as the expectation for a student to do well in everything that they do, and self-criticism, the feeling of failure when they fall short of their lofty goals. In its worst forms perfectionism can lead to eating disorders and depression.

Perfectionism is not just driven by parents expectations, social media plays a role as well. Social media delivers a high bar because everyone seems perfect in their accounts and students are constantly competing with each other to get the most attention from one post.

But parents also feel a boost from their kids’ success. This can cause them to constantly survey their children in their school work and put pressure on their students because their self-worth is on the line as well. Students are not just guilty of putting pressure on themselves, but striving to unhealthy highs to reach others expectations for them.

A recent study with students in the US and Britain saw a bump in both self-oriented and other-oriented perfectionism with the most increase in perfectionism centered around thinking that others will view them as less if they fail. This is because students have the view that others judge them too harshly and the feeling that they have let down their peers if they fail.

The result is students claiming up and secretly fearing that everyone is more competent and knows more than they do.

What can be done to improve this? Parents should use more positive words that are understanding of a student’s struggles and not dropping blame on them. Most students will grapple with stressful situations at school or away from home. Some students just want their parents to be understanding, and validating their struggles will go a long way to making them feel better. Finally, parents actions must match their word. Many students know that their parents saying just do your best doesn’t mean that. Make sure that if parents expect their best then that is all that is expected.

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